introduction

Growing up LDS, I knew about God. I knew he was there. I knew I was suppose to pray to him everyday. To thank him for my good night's sleep. To thank him for my day. To pray for others. To repent when needed. I knew the formula I was suppose to follow. But to me, God was only somewhere. He wasn't with me.

Some would say I went the "rebellious" route as I began my teenage years. I would say I went the "exploring what I was so well protected from" route. I'll be the first one to admit. I was deffinitely being protected for a reason. But I do not regret anything I have done. I heard a girl say, "regrets are mistakes you don't learn from." And I fully believe that I learn something from everything.

So now, what brings me to my search for Jesus?
Hitting rock bottom without him. That's what.

You see, I allowed a person to completely strip me from my surroundings. To warp my mind into something ugly. Make me into someone who turned her back on her family and her friends and even herself. I literally felt like I was living in a different world where there was only anger. I was to the point where I could not take the guilt and pain anymore. And I completely denied God. I told myself, he must not be there. And if he is, he must not care. I felt abandoned. And I was angry at God for not intervening.

It was after everything, when I realized how great God really is. For he so loved me, that he took care of me and got me through it. Even when I pushed him away. I know now that it's times like those, where we need the Lord the most. I went about it the wrong way. I should have asked God to help me better understand the reason for the situation. Instead of blaming him for the situtaion. And now i know that the reason for it, was to get me to where I am right now.

And right now. I want to be connected with my Heveanly Father. Because with him, I will be everything he intended me to be. (: