cant explain

sometimes, I don't realize how much I'm hurting. I push my pain aside and into the back of my mind, that I completely forget about it. I live day to day, feeling happy and surrounded by people. But when I'm alone, I feel like I'm forgetting something. I'm forgetting to heal. And it's because I'm not quite sure what I'm suppose to be healing. Maybe I really do regret most things that I do. Maybe I really was affected by the things that had happened. Maybe I'm missing how close I used to be... Maybe I just need to cry to get the feeling out of me. When I try to think of the source, my brain feels blocked. It's like I can't think past what I need to do for the day. It's the deeper things that affect the soul... that I struggle to feel.

what my parents don't realize

Every time they threaten to kick me out. or tell me that they're glad I don't live with them. or tell me to go live with the other parent. it hurts my heart. a lot.... It sucks to not feel wanted. They say they love me...but yet they're so quick to say hurtful things........ is wanting to be wanted so awful?

I realized something

Do you know those one sided relationships? The ones where only one person is putting forth any effort. Only one person is trying to make it work. How bad they make you feel when you realize that you're the only one trying to keep things together.

When we sin, that's the kind of relationship we create with God.

He loves us unconditionally. No matter how wrong we do, he still loves us.

But when we do wrong, we aren't showing him that we love Him too.

God is putting forth all the effort, and we are the ones leaving it one sided.

That's why we should want to do good. So we can keep the relationship equal.

Relationships only work, if both parties want it to.

God is always doing his part. So we need to as well (:

i cant help but cry

Father in Heaven,

Today, I pray for my family. That they may receive all the joy and happiness you have prepared for their lives. Let them know that I love them, as you do.


In Jesus' name, amen.

Psalm 25

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and
love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and
faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!

-------------------------------------------------

(Redeem (me), O God,
from all (my) troubles...)

im all youtube'd out haha

I just keep finding amazing people! This dude has, hands down, the best voice I have ever heard. I just love it. and he told me to spread the love, so I am(: