cant explain

sometimes, I don't realize how much I'm hurting. I push my pain aside and into the back of my mind, that I completely forget about it. I live day to day, feeling happy and surrounded by people. But when I'm alone, I feel like I'm forgetting something. I'm forgetting to heal. And it's because I'm not quite sure what I'm suppose to be healing. Maybe I really do regret most things that I do. Maybe I really was affected by the things that had happened. Maybe I'm missing how close I used to be... Maybe I just need to cry to get the feeling out of me. When I try to think of the source, my brain feels blocked. It's like I can't think past what I need to do for the day. It's the deeper things that affect the soul... that I struggle to feel.